October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I am 1 in 4...not a day goes by that I do not think of the heartbeat that stopped all too soon. I mourn for the loss of smiles and laughter, the loss of hopes and dreams. A piece of me died that day... I thought about … Continue reading Jedidiah

On my way to church this morning, I felt this pressure in my chest... Today is one of those days I’d give just about anything to fall into my mom’s arms and cry on her shoulder. Not like that ever happened. Mom wasn’t the affectionate type. Neither am I. But that isn’t my point today. … Continue reading Today

“You bring me down” Is that not my biggest fear? The worst four words These ears can hear. I am worthless This I know to be true. But I had hoped You’d not know it too. I tried to be all Everything you want and need I’ve given everything I’ve lost all of me. But … Continue reading Breathe

The flip side of Gaslighting is often showering with gifts and ‘love’. This behavior further confuses the victim. It is a horrible cycle; a living nightmare. Honey, don’t make things up You know how much you mean To me and the kids Things aren’t what they seem. You are the best person I treat you … Continue reading Gaslight continued…

Manipulation techniques that leave the victim confused and feeling detached from reality. These victims don’t seek help because they do not realize what is happening, but often have the sense that something is “off”. This is abuse; difficult to catch and hard to overcome. That’s not the way it happened  You can’t get anything right … Continue reading Gaslight

I can’t claim to know what the peace that passes all understanding is, but I feel like I may have come close. At least I hope I have. Recently I made a decision and some changes in my life. For the first time in many years, I am at peace. I hope I’m not deceived. … Continue reading Peace that Passes Understanding

I hope I would be like David and would rather be subject to the wrath of GOD than to be victim of the judgment of men. You know the punishment would be great, but so is the LORD’S mercy. HE doesn’t just go from the exterior. Quite the contrary, HE examines the heart. Wouldn’t that … Continue reading Righteously Judged

Sometimes we need to step outside of our comfort zone. It’s really the only way we grow. I was noticing the vegetation around me and how some trees and plants grow up...if they are surrounded by other trees, they grow taller, but never branch out very far. Yet the same tree growing where it has … Continue reading Comfort Zone

Gradual changes are the hardest to recognize in oneself. So slow and subtle, they are often unnoticed until much time has passed. For the past 20 years, I have been changing into something I never wanted to be. It was a wake up call when I had an answered prayer...a prayer I’d made so often, … Continue reading Repairing

As a rule, I avoid confrontation at all costs. Maybe I should clarify. I avoid verbal confrontation. I do not like raised voices or harsh words. I have been verbally abused and emotionally manipulated for most of my life. I am extremely sensitive and feel pretty broken. I have recently realized how much damage and … Continue reading Confrontation