October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I am 1 in 4…not a day goes by that I do not think of the heartbeat that stopped all too soon. I mourn for the loss of smiles and laughter, the loss of hopes and dreams. A piece of me died that day…

I thought about you today 

not unusual in any way

Often my thoughts seem to find 

that you have come in my mind

I looked up to the sky 

tears filled both my eyes

Just as the sun peeked through 

just then the grey turned blue

I smiled through all the tears 

I know you are always near

Maybe not for me to hold 

but my love will never grow cold 

I still remember the first time 

images burned in my mind.

The sound of your heartbeat 

often lulls me to sleep

The feeling of elation 

the joy of anticipation

The happy thoughts of little smiles 

little coos, dimples, dancing eyes


my heart turns to stone 

my precious baby is gone

I can’t tell of the horrors 

the screams in the corridors

The pain I felt that day 

when they took you away

I don’t want you to know I’m weak 

don’t see my tear stained cheeks

I’ll smile when I think of you 

I’ll be strong like I should do

I think of you every day 

I wanted you to stay

But you had to go 

why? I’ll never know

I feel cheated and robbed 

and guilty above all

What did I do wrong 

why couldn’t you stay long

It should have been me 

Why did you have to leave

I’m angry and confused

by bitterness I’m consumed

I thought I did everything right 

yet you’re gone from my sight

Your heart stopped beating that day 

for some reason mine stayed.

I thought about you today 

not unusual in any way

The sun shone down on me 

I felt your kiss on my cheek

The clouds parted as you smiled 

“mom, I’ll always be your child”

One thought on “Jedidiah

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s