I have a close friend, but I keep her at arm’s length—for my safety.  Friends are meant to help you through life.  This friend, whom I love dearly, tries her best to hurt me any chance she gets.  It seems she tries her best to shock me, yet I take it all in unfazed. Or … Continue reading Battles

I constantly check my watch.  I don’t know why. I guess it’s just a habit as I rarely notice the time. I even glance at my wrist when my watch isn’t there. And I know it’s gone, but still I look.  I check the clock on the wall, but never see it...I moved it long … Continue reading Obsessed with Time

It hurts being the last resort. Especially when you should be a certain someone’s first choice...but still that person would rather spend precious time with anyone else.  It hurts.  It’s that dull ache that won’t let your tears fall; that gasp that’s stuck in your throat.  It’s that white hot anger that makes you yell … Continue reading Last Resort

Why do we choose to hurt ourselves when someone else triggers us? A look into possibilities of why we self harm. Sometimes I think it is because I feel things so deeply yet fail at expressing myself. You may shake your head in disbelief, but it's true: the written word may flow from my fingertips … Continue reading Choose

It’s my own fault. I do this to myself.  I get mad at the world for not meeting expectations, but, I don’t let the world know what is expected.  It is easier for me to hold myself responsible than to try to make you understand what you should instinctively know.  That I do not understand.  … Continue reading Warning

I want to know why.  Why do I hate myself for hurting because of something you’ve done? Why is it that when you do something you know hurts me, I am the one to blame? Why is it so easy for me to apologize for being so weak (sensitive)? Why is my knee jerk reaction … Continue reading Why?

I just walked by a coworker’s desk and saw a stick pin laying discarded… This isn’t a cry for attention or help really. This is me admitting my struggle with addiction and recognizing how far I’ve come.  It was the perfect pin. Looked clean and shiny. Good size. Sharp. Everything I’d want in a pin.  … Continue reading Getting Better

Emptiness. Desolate.  Hollow.  Sometimes I feel like my chest is a gaping pit; like people can look at me and see this hole where my heart should be.  I know my heart is still there and still beating because I feel it every time it pumps, it seems. It’s like it’s tired of pretending to … Continue reading Hollow

The first covenant was made under the law. There were rules to follow, the Ten Commandments part of those laws. Ordinances were set forth for the children of Abraham that they must obey to obtain their promised glory.  The Law and birthright determined the fate of a person.  But what purpose is there in fulfillment … Continue reading Law and Faith

I'm all about perspectives. I think there are so many truths that are dependent on the point of view.  If nothing else is gained from your reading of my thoughts, I hope you take away the knowledge that not everyone sees the same way you do and not everyone processes how you do. No ONE … Continue reading Refresh