I want to know why. 

Why do I hate myself for hurting because of something you’ve done?

Why is it that when you do something you know hurts me, I am the one to blame?

Why is it so easy for me to apologize for being so weak (sensitive)?

Why is my knee jerk reaction to physically hurt myself when I’m in emotional pain?

Why is it that I’d much rather you beat me than to play these mind games on me?

Why do you keep telling me one thing (and in my stupidity, I believe you) then you turn around and do something that is the opposite?

I know actions speak louder than words, but why is it easier to believe the lies than to see the truth?


And why do I feel so helpless, worthless and hollow? 

I am dead inside. And yet there’s this little tiny voice that cries out to me begging me to carry on and fight for me again. 

She’s in there somewhere…lost in the echoes of my mind…telling me that she believes in me. 

Why do I ignore her and continue to listen to the lies you tell me are true? 

Why do I always come back to feeling so desolate?

2 thoughts on “Why?

  1. I shoulda read this before today’s post. Lies and negatively are so much easier to believe than positive things. I constantly preach to others bout that they should do and give them pretty good advice and scriptures to reference but when it comes to me I struggle. I hurt myself physically and emotionally because it’s what I know. Ugh…


    1. The battleground is in our minds. Rarely can I react the way I should. It is when I step back and examine the situation that I can see what I need to do. You are not alone.


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