Getting Better

I just walked by a coworker’s desk and saw a stick pin laying discarded…

This isn’t a cry for attention or help really. This is me admitting my struggle with addiction and recognizing how far I’ve come. 

It was the perfect pin. Looked clean and shiny. Good size. Sharp. Everything I’d want in a pin. 

I didn’t grab it. 

But in my mind, I had. 

In my mind, I had picked up this pin and watched as I pushed it further and further in my skin. The sweet release as the point pierced the flesh. The jolt of pain. The drop of blood. Not stopping until all that was visible was the T at the top. And then ripping it out to repeat the process again and again. Shredding the skin in so many places to get relief from all the pain I hold inside. 

You may think this sounds bad, but I didn’t do it, this time. 

I could see it and feel it and even taste it, but I refrained. 

To me, that is progress. One step closer on my path to recovery.

4 thoughts on “Getting Better

  1. I am proud of you for sharing this. You never know who might need to see it. And I hear some things lose their power over a person when they are shared. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I too appreciate you sharing this. Again, I feel as though we are kindred spirits. This was me I highschool and when my Mom passed away.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Every day that I make it through without hurting myself in some way is a victory for me. I’ve recognized that there are many ways to self-harm. It is addicting but I want better for me.
      I try to write out my pain on paper instead of my skin. When I feel the need to cut, I examine the why. I write out how I feel and how the cut would feel…going into detail…
      I am recovering…this will always be a struggle for me but I am worth fighting for.


  3. It is absolutely worth fighting for and you’re right there are other ways of self harm. While I no longer use pins and razor blades, I do recognize I use other things and I am working daily to not do them. It’s a struggle but knowing others are out there fighting too helps.


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