Sometimes I feel like my chest is a gaping pit; like people can look at me and see this hole where my heart should be.
I know my heart is still there and still beating because I feel it every time it pumps, it seems. It’s like it’s tired of pretending to be okay.
Like it’s struggling for just one more spark.
And my lungs are full of smoke from the extinguished flame. Every breath becomes more shallow as I continue to inhale the smoldering wreckage inside me.
I’m afraid to move as I may turn into the ash and dust I’ve become.
I once was on fire. I once was fully engulfed in the flame, all consuming, rising higher and higher.
I don’t know when it happened. Maybe little by little. A little too much here, not enough there…
And ever so slowly the flames started to die, until there was nothing left, no hot coals, no smoking embers, just ashes, discarded, scattered to the winds.
I want to feel something more than worthless.
Some days, it just feels like this.
Some days, it is harder to keep up appearances.
Some days, I think maybe I am a Phoenix and I am reborn from the ashes.
But today is not one of those days.
And it’s okay to have those days, but I’m not going to stay here.
When you see me, you won’t know how I cry myself to sleep. You won’t see my tear stained cheeks. I’m going to be smiling and happy when you see me.
I will rise again. I will soar again.
I may be never enough for some, but I’m always enough for WHO matters most.
Say that last line out loud to yourself. Read it again: I may be never enough for some, but I am always enough for WHO matters most. Your Creator made you in HIS image, and since HE can do no wrong, you are exactly as you should be.
One thought on “Hollow”
have you been in my head? Please refrain from going back, you might not make it back. This post was like looking at my reflection. I am trying, slowly but surely, to love me for me because God doesn’t make mistakes.