Last Resort

It hurts being the last resort.

Especially when you should be a certain someone’s first choice…but still that person would rather spend precious time with anyone else. 

It hurts. 

It’s that dull ache that won’t let your tears fall; that gasp that’s stuck in your throat. 

It’s that white hot anger that makes you yell and punch the closest thing to you; that makes you reach for that blade because you deserve to be punished for being so stupid to think you were worthy of attention. 

It’s that emptiness in the pit of your stomach; the bile you spit out as you choke on how pathetic you are. 

It’s the blood that fills your mouth from biting your tongue from everything left unsaid. 

You’ve been broken and abused so long that this is normal. 

This roller coaster of emotions; the constant up and down, highs and lows…

If you said something would it change, or be more of the same? 

You’re just too sensitive. 

Get over it. 

If that’s all you have to worry about, you don’t know what real problems are. 

One day, you’re going to get over it alright.

One day you’re going to prioritize yourself and put you first.

When you realize how worthy you are, you will realize how worthless those others are and the last thing you will want to do is spend your precious time with them.

2 thoughts on “Last Resort

  1. This resonates with me. It reminds of my brother. Since I started kindergarten, it was apparent he always placed precedence on his friends and social status unless I had some achievement or was in a situation that would make him look good in front of others. The last time we talked, he said the same thing: “Get over it.” I did. We haven’t spoken in years and it truly was a weight lifted off of me not feeling obligated to force a familial relationship with someone who in all candor is toxic to my life.


    1. Admittedly I am still stuck where it hurts, but I feel like I am becoming less and less affected with a certain person. I think this is part of my healing process. I look forward to the time where like you say, a weight is lifted off of me.


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