The past few years have been a roller coaster for me. Most of it seemed to be upside down hurling to the ground as fast as possible...never seeming to level. Funny to think about it that way, but that is how it was.  The last half of last year was horrible.  I know 2020 was … Continue reading I Get It

I was sitting at a traffic light this morning and so moved by the beauty of the sky. Pale blue background with every shade of pink imaginable in the most spectacular arrangement. It was breathtaking.  Rachel Platten was singing about Grace and I was thinking about faith.  Like everyone else in the world, I have … Continue reading Grace & Faith

Do you ever get stopped suddenly in your tracks? Like you’re fine and functioning and then this little nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach comes up and it’s from nowhere and you just lose your will to try??? Yep; that’s where I am right now.

I have nothing good to say. I feel so inadequate right now, so small. When I think of the universe, I see a new perspective of how little I matter.  I’m not even a dot...less than a blip on any radar. And my little, petty problems are nothing in the scheme of things. I could … Continue reading January 24

You'll reinforce my worthlessness with the flick of your arm; but don’t worry, I’ll cause you no harm. I place too much of me in all aspects of my life; I give my everything; to me it’s no sacrifice. I’ll give you my shirt, my jacket too, you know there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do—I’ve … Continue reading This Is Different

This is so much different—nowhere near the same; well, what do you mean? Let me try to explain...when I hurt myself, I know what I’ll do; I’m a thinker and a planner, believe me, I’ve thought it through. I’ve made the calculations of how deep I can go, to maximize the hurt and remain in … Continue reading This Is

If you’re reading this, it means I’ve lost my mind; I’ve decided to print what I’ve tried to hide. I struggle with addiction; I’m in love with the pain— I say that I’ll stop, but I know I’ll start again. I might do good, and stay on track for a while; then I’ll slip back … Continue reading This

Every day at work, I am reminded just how precious and fragile life is.  As if I needed the constant reminder. But, maybe I did and maybe I do.  Some of the people I see on a daily basis have the brightest smiles...and I know they are in so much pain. They always smile in … Continue reading Mortality

Lately I have been in such a fog.  This time of the year is never easy.  It’s the end of things; When the days are dark and dreary.  The year has grown so old The trees have lost all their leaves There’s a chill in the air  As if there is ice in the breeze.  … Continue reading A Fog

“Life is pain; you get used to it…” But why does it have to be? And why do we have to focus on the pain so much? Why can’t we just let it go? I’m so tired of hurting and so tired of being hurt.  But if I didn’t hurt, then I wouldn’t love either. … Continue reading Life is Pain