I think I’m headed towards a breakdown.
My head is pounding
My heart is racing
I can’t catch my breath for trying to breathe.
Hyperventilating
Thoughts in my mind pacing
Against the clock I’m racing
And it’s all crashing down it seems.
But it’s not.
Not really.
In my mind I see clearly
Things I imagine happening to me
But they’re not.
Stop the shaking
Stop the thinking
I’m not really sinking
I’m fine, I’m okay
Today is another day
And everything will work out best
If I give it to GOD and let HIM do the rest.
That last line is the most powerful statement ever and it can be applied to EVERYTHING in our lives. But man oh man it’s so hard to do. Seem like you always post these types of messages when I need them most. I feel very much like going into a dark place and hiding and am fighting everyday with prayer and words do not go there.
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You have to fight the darkness. I have to fight the darkness. Sometimes I want it to consume me, to wrap me up and comfort me, but that comfort is poison, back-stabbing delusion.
To give in to the darkness is to turn your back on GOD and HIS light. That isn’t easy for me to admit…that I want to give in and give up, but then if I do that, look at what that means! I need HIS light and HIS comfort is real and GOOD. I want real. I’m tired of fake. Fake friends, back-stabbing; I don’t need that. And I need myself to be true—I need me to be on my side and to stop sabotaging myself.
I am my on worst enemy. I’m working on being my best friend.
Prayer.
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