Writer’s Block

Like throwing darts at the board and seeing what sticks, I’ve been trying to write a little note for you all. 

I’ve written several times about how on the surface things can seem wonderful but beneath it, things are far from well. 

I become so overwhelmed with life that I do think of checking out. 

Look, the world was just fine before me and it will be again after I’m gone. 

But, I worry about my kids and my family. I know they’d be fine, but I know, too, that it’ll leave a void when I’m gone. It’s natural…I worry about my friends that believe in me. I depend on them and their belief in me. I believe in them and I know they have so much left to do. 

The other day I was especially low…I have a good bit of change going on in my life. It’ll all be for the best, I hope, but it will be a very difficult struggle. And I’m dreading the struggle. 

And this is personal. My professional side is also in turmoil, but those growing pains will be fine in days to come. I’m also going through some health issues and I find it ironic that part of me wants to check out and another part wants to fight for a long time yet. 

So, in my low state, I considered…well, the thought lingered in my mind as to specifics, and I put my earbuds in…”God’s not done with you Even with your broken heart and your wounds and your scars” (Tauren Wells -God’s Not Done).

I would say that was the only song I heard, but it wasn’t. And I know that’s the chorus, but those are the first words I heard…I’d apparently had the music playing already when I put the earbuds in. 

I know I haven’t lived my purpose. But you haven’t lived yours either.

I know sometimes it seems like there isn’t a reason to keep going, but you are the reason. There are people fighting for you and trying to pray for you. There are people counting on you. 

You are a light unto the world; a shining example for others to follow. 

That day, I heard at least three songs back to back that told me God’s not done, He’s fighting for me even when I’m weak, and all I need to do is just keep breathing. Needless to say, my go to song collection is getting larger. 

We are what we put into our bodies. I’m working on a post about that for later. But short version: keep looking up, keep having faith and keep filling up on things of a higher nature. Look to the LORD, love, HE is the reason to stay alive.