I picked up a book the other day that I had wanted to read. I carried it around the store for a good while before deciding to put it back down. I really wanted to read the book, but something told me to wait and look into it a little more before making the commitment to purchase.
Commitment issues…what can I say…
For those of you who may not know or remember, the title of my blog once was “Never Enough”.
I have been told countless times by numerous people that I will never be enough.
The book I had carried around was about being not good enough…and being okay with it.
I didn’t read the book.
I read an excerpt online from the book last night and some comments people had to say about it.
Maybe the book isn’t for me…
Or maybe it wasn’t for them or they are blinded by the author’s views to see the point of the story.
Some of the negative comments stated how they felt the author did not understand the “self-love” movement. From those comments, it seemed as though the author oversimplified self-love. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. It is easy to condemn what we do not understand.
“Self-love” seems so easy to those not plagued by mental/health issues.
But it is so much more as the comments suggested. It seemed that the author felt self-love was simply mantras, yoga poses, crystals…things that to me can be offensive to someone suffering from poor self image.
I have “mantras” that mean things to me. One phrase my best friend said to me helps me daily get through a struggle that I’ve had for years. I had it engraved on a bracelet I wear almost daily. There are symbols that mean so much to me that often, as hard as it is to believe, words can fail to express.
But that isn’t self-love. Hell, that’s just how I cope with life. Those are simple reminders that I’m not alone.
I’ve been there…where the thought of taking a shower takes too much energy. I didn’t care. I wasn’t seeing anyone anyway. I sure as hell wasn’t leaving the house. Who cared what I looked and smelled like? I sure didn’t.
I needed those words…three words that held so much power, to show me just what I was doing…who I was hurting with my inaction…and in truth, by my actions towards myself.
Back to self-love.
That, in its simplest form, is taking care of oneself.
Maybe you have mantras, scripture you recite, reminders you keep close.
But you also care for yourself.
You keep yourself clean and healthy.
You eat right, and exercise.
You learn; you keep building yourself.
You make sure you don’t engage in activity that could harm you.
Self love is setting boundaries.
It’s not overextending yourself.
It’s not putting yourself first…it’s putting value in yourself. Narcissism isn’t a good thing. We have narcissistic tendencies, but that isn’t loving yourself.
No, you’re not enough. And yes, that is okay. None of us are enough, yet we are enough.
And I think (albeit without reading the book) that that was the main takeaway.
You see, many of my posts show both sides…I realize I have imperfections, but I also realize that others do as well. While I don’t have problems admitting my flaws, some people do.
But see, if I can’t admit it, then I have no chance of improving. Some people put so much effort into pointing out the flaws of others that they don’t see the ones in the mirror. And some people think that their flaws are what they perceive as yours, meaning that they project their imperfections on you.
You must take an honest look at yourself; be objective.
The power to improve is within you. Maybe you do need to meditate or read for things to click. But if GOD is in you, then you have all you need.
Maybe you’re happy where you are.
I am. I am happy just as I am. But, I know I can be better. And that is part of self love.
It is taking care of me, working to make me stronger both mentally and physically, admitting I’m not perfect-that I’m a work in progress…yes I fail, yes I slip and slide, and yes I often rely on reminders.
I don’t know anyone who can sit down and list and describe everything about self love. I know I haven’t scratched the surface. I apologize for doing this a disservice. It’s such an important topic that I feel is so misunderstood.
I’ll never be enough for some; I’m too much for others; but I’m perfectly imperfect and that’s just how I’m made.
The book referenced is Allie Beth Stuckey’s You’re Not Enough (And That’s Okay). As I said, I have not read the book; it sounds like it is a great read and probably has a similar message as this post. Maybe one day I’ll have a mind to read it.
2 thoughts on “Perfectly Imperfect”
I’ve been reading the Bible a lot lately about this topic and I’d like to take that a step further by saying God made us in His image and once we profess Him as our Lord and Savior he filled us with His spirit. So if we don’t love ourselves, if we don’t respect ourselves, if we don’t feel we are worthy then we are saying we don’t love, respect, or find the Lord worthy. If you love the Lord the you have to love yourself. It’s a package deal.
I couldn’t agree more. HE said that HE and HIS children are one, so if we don’t love ourselves, we can’t possibly love HIM.
I’m sure I’ll revisit this topic again. There is so much that I will fail to mention. Because even if you don’t believe in a higher being, you still need to love yourself.
I hate to sound like this is so simple because it’s not simple at all.
I was afraid to post what I did…I do greatly appreciate your comment; much needed addition to my post.
This has been on my mind much lately as well. I’m sure it will continue to be there…