Sometimes I see myself running…

I see myself running as fast as I can with no destination in mind. 

Usually I do this when I am feeling trapped as I often feel. I can picture myself coming out of my skin and running until I can’t go anymore. 

It’s like that feeling where I want to go home…even when I clearly am home. 

I don’t know what I’m looking for or where I’m supposed to be, but I feel restless and homesick for a place I’ve never been. 

Longing for peace and rest, yet knowing I won’t find it because I don’t know how. 

You can’t find something if you don’t know anything about it. 

And while I’m on that topic, I’ll go ahead and say it: sometimes you don’t find closure. 

Sometimes you don’t get the resolution you so much need. 

Sometimes life just laughs in your face and goes on and you are stopped wondering what the hell just happened. 

At first you don’t even realize it; it’s like shock and then numb and then this indescribable pain where your heart once was. 

And all I want to do is run. 

I just want to run as far away as I can…

Perhaps if I could run fast enough, I could jump into another dimension where I could feel more at home. Maybe in that other realm I could find the answers to all my questions. 

That other realm is just one closed door away. It’s one missed elevator ride, one green light caught…

Since I don’t foresee myself making it to that other dimension, I’m stuck in the now. 

I’m left wondering what and why…

I’ll be honest: it isn’t easy. Sometimes we have to say goodbye and not understand. 

Sometimes we don’t get to say goodbye. 

Sometimes our thoughts are left…

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