Do You Ever

Do you ever just want to cry,
Just because you are you,
Not because of what’s inside
Or what you have been through?

Do you ever just break down,
Just suddenly stop in place,
You feel like you’re about to drown
From the tears streaking your face?

Do you ever try to suck in air
Just gasp and strain for breath,
Only to find it isn’t there,
And there’s no room inside your chest?

Do you ever try to move,
Just put one foot in front of the other,
It’s yourself you must prove
You still have it together?

Do you ever try to speak,
Just let out what’s trapped within,
And find you are too weak
So you close your lips again?

Do you ever try to write,
But the page doesn’t change,
It stays the harsh, bright white
On every single page?

Do you ever put down the pen,
With tears streaming from your eyes,
Just feel what’s locked within
And finally give up and cry?

8 thoughts on “Do You Ever

  1. I’ve definitely been at this point. When I’ve been distraught and was going to pray, but I didn’t know what was wrong so I’ll say, “God doesn’t want to hear me complain about nothing. I don’t have a reason to be upset.” Then I feel guilty for not wanting to pray. It’s a vicious cycle.

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    1. I think sometimes the tears are the prayers that God hears. Maybe the words, or complaints, are unnecessary because He already knows all and sees all. He knows the reason for the tears even if we do not.

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  2. This makes sense. It is extremely difficult to voice what is wrong, how I feel, so learning all the time to pour your heart out in prayer, I would get discouraged because I’m not really expressing how I feel. I’m just sitting in my feelings.

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    1. When you ‘sit in your feelings’ trying to pray but not having the words, do you feel a release of sorts? You say you feel bad about not having words, but does letting the feelings come help you feel better? Because once I finally sit down and allow my feelings to flow, I usually can get a little relief. I guess that’s why I wonder if those unspoken prayers are heard maybe over the more eloquent ones…

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      1. You know, I do. I read the prayers in the Bible that Hannah and Jonah said and expect to be able to express myself that well. But I have to say I feel a sort of lightness afterwards, even with feeling I didn’t do what I was supposed to do.

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      2. I wonder…Hannah’s prayers, if I have the right Hannah, were sobbing, babbling words that the priest Eli couldn’t hear or understand. He accused her of drunkenness. She was praying in her heart, no words were coming out. What I’m saying is I wonder how much of her prayer was felt rather than spoken… I personally don’t believe that a true prayer is something that can be recited. And I don’t know, but I would be inclined to think that Hannah’s prayer was more of the uncontrollable crying and lamentation than an eloquent petition.
        But I was wondering about how you felt afterwards because I do seem to feel better after allowing myself to feel my feelings and let them flow. And if I remember correctly, it seems that Hannah felt a little lighter afterwards as well.

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    1. When you are just sitting in your feelings, you are not letting them go, you are just stuck. Expressing your feelings is letting them come and go. If you can let your feelings flow naturally, don’t force them, don’t stop them, but feel them come, I think sometimes you can get some relief. Sitting in them would be more like stopping them or holding on to them. And we do that because when something like that has been part of us for so long, we are subconsciously afraid of losing our identity if we let whatever go. It is a vicious cycle. Hopefully one we can break.

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