The Cliff

I don’t know where this will end up taking me. Just wanted to write a few thoughts down and see what becomes of it, if anything. 

I’ve been quiet lately. Doing a lot of introspection and thinking about plans and goals…

I’m trying to figure out how to do what needs to be done. 

Here’s my problem: I can’t hurt anyone.

I was taught it was better to be the one who was hurt than to be the one doing the hurting, but to what end? When have I hurt enough that I can peacefully say I’ve had enough?

I feel like I’ve reached the point where I am done. I no longer feel things I used to feel. I’m existing, not living anymore. 

I made up my mind to not be swayed by other people and their comments about me. I’ll even have a cutting remark from time to time…

But I still cannot face my biggest issue head on. For the most part, I am fearless; on this one thing I am a coward. 

This will give me peace in so many ways, and it will give me problems in other ways, but it is the people who will potentially be affected that give me the most pause. 

The people closest to me are clueless to the fact that I have gone over the edge…my fingers are tired from holding on to the cliff and I am ready to just let go. 

I can’t do this much longer.

I’m trusting in timing…when I let go, I trust I will be given wings to fly. 

No, I am not giving up or giving in; I am choosing to overcome and conquer. 

I am enough.

One thought on “The Cliff

  1. I can so relate to this post Oliva!!! I stayed in a situation for far too long because of all the people I love that I knew I would hurt. I allowed myself to die a little each day until I had an almost physical slap from the Lord. He had given me his will years and years ago but I thought I knew best. Then when I accepted he was right I couldn’t bring myself to hurt those around me, even if they were hurting me. You will know when it’s time to stop thinking and just to act in His will. You will realize what he says is never meant to harm/hurt anyone, at least not for a long time. A good friend of mine told me that the hurt I cause today may be what God is using to bring them closer to Him.

    Liked by 1 person

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