I’m a Mess

Shallow rapid breaths 

Avoiding the stench in the air

Can’t extend my chest

The room just isn’t there. 

Constricting cords wound tight

Seem to strengthen as I fight

Seem to strengthen every time

I move my arm to wipe my eye. 

Covered in a cool sweat

Tattooed tear stains- I’m a mess. 

Locked in place, locked in time. 

Cannot escape, though I try. 

Just when I feel release,

I can finally start to breathe

Maybe find a little ease,

Those cords, they start to tease. 

Sweat pouring down in sheets,

Tears falling off my sleeves,

Puddles forming underneath,

Think maybe I can leave?

But, wait! What’s this?

Oh, LORD, it cannot be. 

I thought the chains had slipped

But now they’re tightening around me. 

The worst kind of pain

Is what hits you in waves

A few steps of freedom gained

Then reburied alive in your grave. 

It’s torture and shame. 

It’s horrible to complain. 

Feels like maybe you should stay. 

Don’t see another way. 

The cycle, it repeats. 

Feeling trapped, then relief. 

It’s exhausting just to be. 

So, what if I forget to breathe…

4 thoughts on “I’m a Mess

  1. I’ve read this several times. It has a hauntingly profound impact on me. I wish I had something to say but there’s nothing I can say to match this.


  2. First off let me say ” Can you please get out of my head!” I currently feel as if gain a few steps to freedom only to be consumed again. I feel ashamed to complain because I know others have worse to deal with but that doesn’t change how I feel. Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of it all


    1. You can’t compare you to others. So and so may ‘have it worse than you,’ but that is their burden. See, GOD only gives you what you can handle with HIM. Just as you don’t have another’s blessings, you don’t have another’s hell. The point of it all is to look to the LORD in all things.


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