Tenebris

Dark thoughts. 

Do you know what it’s like to cry yourself to sleep? And for no other reason than just because you are you? 

Or to feel alone when you’re surrounded by people? To feel like you are outside looking in and will never be able to join the crowd because, quite frankly, there are no kindred spirits here… you are in a league of your own and that’s just how it is. 

Do you ever just hate yourself so much, hate what you’ve become and don’t know how you got where you are? 

Do you know what it’s like to be so miserable, know what you can do to correct it, but feel helpless and hopeless and possibly deserving of your current situation?

Do you know what it’s like to live under a microscope and be afraid to breathe wrong wondering what consequences will come?

Do you know what it’s like to have hopes and dreams and plans that are shot down before they can even have a chance?

Do you know what it’s like to be the ocean trapped in a drop? To be so full of life but feel dead?

Do you know what it’s like to finally start to see the trees in the forest just to be yanked back and only see the trap, the hopelessness in your situation? To finally start to stabilize on the tightrope just as a gust of wind blows you ever so slightly and you falter again?

Have you ever made up your mind only to see a sign that maybe you are wrong? And then you start questioning everything you’ve ever done or thought or said or heard or seen?

Do you know what it’s like to trust your memory because it’s never failed you before only to find out that ‘everything’ you know is ‘wrong’? That your memory of certain events is the opposite of what really happened and you again start to question what you know and remember? 

‘Hell, I don’t even know who I am anymore’ is a common thought in your mind.

I hope you can’t relate to my questions.