Hurt

The other day, my daughter asked me a question that really hurt me. It made me stop and think about some decisions I’ve made, some choices I’ve taken.

And too, it made me think of some things I said to my own mom, once upon a long time ago…come to think of it, I was the same age my daughter is now when I said that to my mom. 

There’s a sting all of its own…

And I wonder just how much my choices weigh on my kids. 

Probably as much as my mom’s weighed on me. 

Wow…

I needed that perspective. 

I’d always looked to my mom for guidance in how she lived. I often go visit her now to see if she can offer some advice but my mom went to sleep in 2007, and never woke again. 

There are so many things left unsaid between us. So many things I want her opinion on how I should approach. So many unfinished conversations that leave a pit in my chest…things she never knew and assumptions she made that were simply the opposite of the truth. 

I am so confused by things she said, things she did, and things I feel. I need clarity, but all I find are more questions and more unease. 

I hope with all my heart my daughter’s daughter doesn’t repeat that sentiment with my daughter. 

I hope my daughter doesn’t repeat my missteps.