Best Friends

I’ve seen several things that talk about having a best friend that is like a mirror and a shadow. 

I have a huge problem with describing my best friends that way. I understand that the mirror is a reflection of you and a shadow follows you, but I’m not sure how much I want my best friends to be like a mirror and a shadow. 

To explain, the mirror can play tricks on you. For one thing, it may reflect back what is in front of it, but it is a reflection and cannot capture what is beneath the surface. Not only that, it cannot mirror emotions and show the light and how it reflects in your eyes or from your hair. 

The mirror shows everything but is the opposite of how it really is. It is not a true representation of you and who you are-what you stand for. 

I want a best friend who can show me the good in myself, because I cannot see it. I want someone who can show me my flaws and how they are not really flaws at all but how they are what make me special. 

I don’t want a “mirror” who will reflect back what they think I want to see. I want them to be straight with me and tell me when I’m being a bitch and when I need to lighten up. I want someone who isn’t afraid of my dark moods and who won’t shatter when I lose my shit. 

I want a best friend who isn’t a mirror and copying my every move, but who will join with me from time to time and help me see myself in a positive light. I don’t like that the mirror makes me look shorter sometimes or fatter sometimes depending on the angles. I want my best friend to see me for who I am and reflect back the love that I have for them. I see the good in my best friends, I show them their virtues and build them up; I want a best friend to do the same for me.

As for the shadow, I don’t want someone who leaves when the sun goes down. When the darkness comes, that’s when I need my best friend the most. 

I don’t need someone who changes with the lighting and who stays up under foot. I want a best friend who will be beside me always, not me having to wonder where my best friend went depending on the time of day. 

A shadow changes with the landscape and is never the same. A shadow grows and shrinks and is an illusion; a shadow is not really there. A shadow doesn’t take up space. 

A best friend should not be as your shadow, but should be beside you when you need them. A best friend should let you know they have your back and be able to talk to you when you are down. 

A best friend has to take up space and have depth to catch you when you fall or to comfort you when they can’t catch you. 

A best friend cannot be as a shadow because a best friend is real and true and shows you who you are, not some disproportionate version of the light you block. 

And that in itself, a shadow is the light you block; a best friend is light and shows light and makes you better and helps you grow, and gives you wings to let you fly. 

And you are to your best friend all of these things. Don’t be a shadow who leaves as soon as the clouds form; stay to help your best friend learn to dance in the rain. 

Teach your best friend the music that is in your heart and your best friend will sing it to you when you can’t sing for yourself. A shadow cannot do that. A shadow mocks you and torments you.

A best friend is not a poor, lifeless reflection we project of ourselves either on a glass or the ground. Even our perception of our reflection is inaccurate of how we are. We cannot see the life we have when we let our guard down for a second. We will never see the beauty someone else sees in us.

No, I don’t want a best friend who is a mirror or a shadow. It’s a cute saying and I understand the meaning behind it, but I’m not interested in fair weather friends. I need consistency in my best friends. I need to be able to trust them; I trust neither a mirror nor a shadow.

I am thankful and so blessed with my best friend who is so much more than either a mirror or shadow can be.

4 thoughts on “Best Friends

  1. Omg… This is great! I don’t know why you thought this was controversial. Well, it isn’t to me anyway. I can happily say I completely agree with your POV. I wouldn’t apply this just to best friends but all friends in general. I think all the people I call friends share my basic ideals and usually one or two other things.. I like those differences because it keeps things fresh and allows me to see and understand things from a different perspective.


    1. Thank you! I’ve always had different ‘levels’ of friends…I think that people use the term ‘friend’ loosely. I had originally written this as just friends, but to clarify that I don’t hold everyone to such a standard, I changed it to ‘best friends’.
      I’m glad you understood the meaning though.
      Be real; be genuine. And always, in all things, may everything be done with love.
      If your friends aren’t there to build you up and help you walk closer to the LORD, then you don’t need them.


  2. That is beautiful! Some people have so many friends who aren’t really friends. I think they must be lonely deep down if they don’t have best friends. They may not even realize it.


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