I want to be selfish.
I want to say what I think and feel.
I want to put it all out there and get it off my chest.
Damnit, I want to yell.
But you know what?
I can’t.
I can’t say what I think and feel.
I can’t get it off my chest.
I can’t put it all out there and let it go…
Because it’s not about me.
And I know that.
I know I don’t matter.
No, I’m not self-loathing…
I know ‘I matter’.
I’m not suicidal right now.
What I’m saying is, I am not the center of the universe.
The Lord is. And this is my lot in life.
I am made to keep it all in and not be selfish.
I have needs just as much as you do.
But I know that God gave you direction just as He gave me direction.
And Lord knows, I am trying to follow that direction.
Emphasis on trying…
Because I am sure I am failing at many places on this path.
Look, I have fears,
I have doubts,
I need reassurance just like you.
There’s absolutely no exception to that.
We’re all human.
Prone to mistakes,
Prone to wander from our path,
Prone to overthink and prone to despair.
So I’m going to lift you up.
I’m going to encourage you,
I’m going to push you,
Not push you down,
Push you forward.
I’m going to give you my hand.
I’m going to brace you when you need it.
Because while you’re leaning on me,
You’re giving to me.
You’re letting me help you,
You’re letting me hold you,
You’re letting me be to you what I need.
And we know that giving is better than receiving.
So by you allowing me to give of myself to you,
I’m walking my path,
I’m being myself,
I’m using your strength to help me.
I need help. I told you that.
I need someone to hold me up from time to time.
I can’t always be strong.
I’m not always strong.
Some days I just want to give up.
But I’m counting on you to get me through this.
Your need of me, keeps me going.
Yeah, I’m dependent on you to keep me going.
How pathetic is that?
This is me being selfish. This is me yelling for help. This is me.
Published by oliviaallen
Just a girl with too many thoughts in her head. Feel free to like, comment and share!
Email me: onefourzeropm@gmail.com
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OneFourZeroPM 
I can relate to this. I feel like this about a few different people, but for different reasons. I am don’t sure if that make sense. I use to think it made me weak and pathetic but it doesn’t. It makes me human. It’s how God made me. It’s how he made us. He made us to put him first of course but to also have a community of those that loved Him that we could got to and be lifted when we needed lifting. I am so blessed to have people like that in more corner. Now….I don’t always do a good job of actually using those people. I and trying to do better. Thanks for this post. It took me two days to willingly write this about myself. Not sure why.
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Because when you’re the one offering a hand to someone, you don’t easily accept that hand in return. You think accepting help is weakness, but accepting that we need help for every little thing is strength. We can’t even take a breath on our own without the Lord’s help; how can we think we can do anything without Him or Him through someone else? He works through others, just as we hope He works through us.
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